Shopping With Demons
by Mai-danishgirl
Summary: This really wasn't what he had expected when the obnoxius warlock had summoned him. Not at all.


This story was originally posted to the livejournal community - Wow Ladies, as a secret santa gift.

World of warcraft are copyright Blizzard

**Shopping With Demons.**

In retrospect, he should have foreseen that it would happen at some point, although the day began as any other.

A powerful tug through invisible bonds pulled at him, urging to be somewhere else. The Felguard raged against the powers, trying to break the powerful magics that bound him to this feeble mortal. He snarled, roared and struggled, straining the bounds to their breaking point. But Her will was still the strongest.

A moment of roaring silence and nonexistent colors, and the he found himself in a city of bright light and cobbled stones.

She was waiting there, her face disgustingly cheerfully squinting up at him. "There you are. Took your time hmm?" She grinned. "You cannot command me"

The Felguard growled, giving the bonds a final yank. How wonderful it would be, to break free in this sunny town, to create turmoil and chaos, to fill the streets with the blood of-

A surge burned thought the bonds, making him yelp in a rather undignified way.

"Oh no you don't." The woman smiled and waggled her finger at him. Izikfazag glowered back at her a short moment, then looked around for his opponent. It was the one positive thing of his enslavement, bloody battles was rife.

However there was no one in sight, the street was deserted and empty, apart from a single dog that did not seems to know whenever to run or pee itself. He growled at the animal, who finally decided to run with the tail between its legs, before returning to the mortal. He waved his great sword, longer then the warlock was tall, towards the surrounding and spoke.

"And for what meaningless reason have you summoned me then?"

"Oooh, I have great plans for today," The human had a wicket glint in her eyes, "so you can just put that away, you are not going to need it today." She gestured towards his sword.

For a short second Izikfazag was wordless.

"You dare come with such demand woman! A Felguard never relinquish his weapon!" The roar could be heard for several streets away. The warlock was unfazed however. "Don't be silly now, it will only be for a short time." Izikfazag gritted his teeth. "No" "Please don't make me force you, there is no need for being childish."

"As you might not have noticed _human_, I do not own a sheath for it, and cannot simply put it away"

" Have I not told you that my name is Segue? Oh, and, well, yes, I can see that now, how silly of me." She merely furrowed her brow a short moment, before brightening with a smile. "There is a sword crafter close by, he could help us. And if all goes wrong a piece of string can do wonders. Let's go then" She twirled around on her toes, and moved along the road, Izikfazag sulking following.

The sword crafter was not far away, and Izikfazag had to admit that is was quite pleasant to see the crafters face blanched in fear, as the Felguard squeezed his large corpus inside the shop.

"Hello there," the warlock was ignored this, and continued to cheerful as ever, "I am looking for a scabbard for my minion's sword here." As on cue Izikfazag swung his weapon into the crafters face, merely inches from the quaking mans nose. Adding to the effect, he gave the human his most notorious smirk.

The seller stared at the sword for a few panicked seconds, before answering. "I see ma-ma-madam, however," The man swallowed nervously, "I do not currently have any covers in this size."

"Oh but isn't there any other solution?" The woman pouted and then leaned onto the counter, and as she looked straight into the eyes of the merchant, she stretched nimbly. "He absolutely refuses to leave the thing behind, and I have _such_ a great need of his hands today."

Now the poor mans face turned a deep crimson.

"Well." He swallowed. "We could use some leather straps."

"Oh how brilliant. You are quite amazing." She smiled at him.

"Sure" The crafter then slinked sideways, slowly moving back into his store. "One moment"

"Of cause." Segue smiled blissfully, then turned towards Izikfazag. "Now kneel"

"No"

"Do we really need to do this again?"

Few moments after the pair walked through the streets.

Having his sword strapped to his back really wasn't that bad, it was still within range, and the weight against his shoulder blades was comforting, not that Izikfazag was ever going to tell the human that.

Said woman had stopped her walking, and was now facing a store with bright colors and nauseatingly sweet pictures on the door. "Finally." She beamed.

Izikfazag eyed the display, the store appeared to be dealing with footwear, though he could fathom why anyone would wear such impractical.. things was the best he would call them. "And what in the Nether are we doing here?"

"Oh? I forgot to tell you? All of Stormwind is having a great sale today. We are going shopping!"

"….shopping?"

"Indeed."

"Here?"

"Of cause! This place have the cutest designs, and after our little adventure to the Nexus, I can even afford the newest design by Pilton!" And then she dragged him into the pastel colored store.

In here Izikfazag found himself challenged with a whole now sensation, a feeling that had promptly announced itself at the bottom of his stomach.

I wasn't quite like fear, of cause a true Felguard did not even know the word., but neither was it nausea, or disgust but more of a combination, added with a mix of embarrassment and a disturbingly urge to try on a pair of black stilettos.

Later on he could not even recall how he got out of the store, only that he suddenly found himself on the streets again, hands full of lithe blue and flowered paper bags, and the warlock happily skipping along. "That was wonderful, I can't believe that I got the pink slippers at that price! Oh, and we are going in here now" Segue was now pointing at another colorful and cheery window, " I need a new robe for my shoes."

The door to this store was rediculesly small, and it took Izikfazag several tries to get inside without the risk of losing some of his spikes. The store owner was standing close by, clearly torn between making a fuss about the gorges in the doorframe, and screaming in terror. Segue didn't seem to have noticed, as she was already fingering trough the dresses, asking questions in what appeared to be an advanced code. "Do you have this one in lavender burgundy? And can I get it in size 36?"

As Izikfazag finally found a way to enter: (Bend down on the knees and walk sideways), and the owner finally relearned how to breathe, he now found himself with an armful of fabrics. "Hold this would you? And take it to the dressing rooms, yes right here," She turned towards him and took back the clothing, "wait right there." She now pointed at a small fragile looking chair. Its looks was not deceiving. Happy about the small meaningless destruction, the Felguard began entertaining himself with fantasies about the best way to tear the place apart, doing his best to ignore a nearby black leather corset with the strangest allure.

Just as his eyes wandered towards the dreaded mannequin for the fifth time, Segue came out of the dressing room. "Tell me, does this dress make me look fat?"

In any other situation Izikfazag would have seized any opportunity to insult his mistress, however there was something about this situation that made him pause, as if hundreds of voices from beyond time and space warned him about impending disaster. So instead he looked the human straight into the eyes, and said. "No"

"Really? Well I do love the colors; I guess I will take it."

When they finally left the store, he wondered at what had stopped him, and, giving the woman a side glance, wondered if it was a power that could be exploited. "_Sorry mate"_ an unheard voice came from beyond "_that have been tried for as long as there have been womankind, it is simply not worth the destruction and maiming, so just forget it" _Izikfazag paused a moment, before thinking back. _"and who are you?" "The automatic warning system, it was put up after the third destruction in the universe, not that reliable though, few guys can even heard it now a days" "Oh, well, thank you?" "No problem, just doing my job"_

The third place was a hat store, because, as Segue loudly proclaimed, "A woman cannot have too many hats"

This time however, Izikfazag was not allowed inside.

"I am so-so-sssso sorry ma-ma-maam, but it is store policy" A pale faced clerk had been pushed in front of the warlock. "We-we we have hooks outside so that you can leave your, eeh, companion there, while doing your shopping here."

"Of cause, that is no problem." Segue smiled widely at the clerk, who swiftly nodded in relief and disappeared. "After all, I still have some leather traps left from the swordsman." She eyed Izikfazag innocently.

"No"

"This is getting old you know."

And thus Stormwind was treated to the unusual sight of a large and menacing Felguard, tied to the wall of small yellow hat store, with a small leather leash around its neck, and its arms full of bright paper bags and colorful parcels.

Izikfazag had never felt this humiliated, not even scaring the wits out of the half deaf little Pekingese next to him could cheer him up. And for the first time he was actually happy to see Segue again, who left the boutique with half a meadow on her head. Apparently Izikfazag looked very dejected, as she did not even suggest keeping the leash on. She did, however, have a great deal trouble with her new packs, as both his arms where full.

"What s pickle," she mused as she eyed him. "Unless? Hmm. Bend down for a moment" The Felguard growled, but complied, only to regret it as the infuriating woman hung the new bags onto his spikes, giving him the look of a blue Winters Veil Tree crossed with a demented pack mule.

Izikfazag spotted a few people passing by, who was clearly doing their best not to burst out laughing, and giving them his most frightening glare only seemed to make it worse.

"Next place will be that last" She promised him a short moment after, a fact that pleased Izikfazag painfully so. Sadly the universe had it out for him this day, and he only got a moments waif of a unpleasant smell, before Segue suddenly broke into a sprint, squealing at the top of her lungs. "Hippogryph!"

The beast was large, and cowered in startling blue and orange feathers. Izikfazag found some comfort in the fact that the creature looked just as unhappy about the meeting, as he was feeling.

"Oh my, he is gorgeous, the colors are so vibrant, and those eyes!" Segue babbled.

The Night elf who held the reins smiled uneasily, desperately truing to lead the animal away without appearing too rude. A fact that the warlock did not realize, until after several minutes of senseless cooing. Though at this point the night elf had gone from slightly annoyed, to quite flattered from Segues endless praise of the hippogryph's flawless plumage and beautiful stature. And this lead to even more conversation about how wonderful and flawless creatures the beasts where.

It wasn't until Izikfazag "accidently" dropped one of the bags, that the woman was able to bid her fair well and continue, making the Felguard sighing in relief.

Moments after, he wished they where back with the night elf.

The store that Segue led him to was a lingerie boutique.

Here he finally learned the true meaning of terror.

And as she finally released him back to the Nether he came from, he could only offer a feeble version of the normally booming speech of how he would enjoy seeing her die. Not to mention the fact that weeks after he was haunted with the images of brassieres and corsets. In black leather.


End file.
